Just cropdusted the office
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
