you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There are leaves in my underwear?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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