You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I understand Curling. That high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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