Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The beer is more important than you right now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
