Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
