my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
