And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's always time for handjobs
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
