"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
there is glitter all over my balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
