Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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