A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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