I swear she didn't look like that last week.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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