So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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