Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
