hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Found the puke drawer
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
