I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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