Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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