I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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