if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
