garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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