U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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