I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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