I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
