ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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