a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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