I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
