Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
