at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
