can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
