I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
