I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
