Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
