you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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