i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
