the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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