So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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