My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
