My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
