It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
