North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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