if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize