I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
