I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
