He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
