Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I have fence marks all over my body
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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