This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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