Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
