i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
