how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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