Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize