u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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