just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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