hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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