M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
