omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
