i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
