Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
