She is in my trunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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