FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
