it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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