im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
