At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She even gives head with a lisp.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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