the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Boobs speak an international language.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
