I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
