Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
