i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
