I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize