covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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