whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
