And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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