U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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