When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
