Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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