i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
