I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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