Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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