i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
