You don't have asthma, your pregnant
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
