Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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