Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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