I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
