This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize