I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
