yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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